Teardrops
by thatsyou
Summary: There are frozen teardrops on the window, but what he feels is a deep pain piercing through his soul. Tony/Pepper. Angst.
1. A Forewarning

**Title: **Teardrops

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **There are frozen teardrops on the window, but what he feels is a deep pain piercing through his soul.

**Author's Note: **It all came to me a few days ago and I thought that I should write it down. It will be a multi-chaptered story, but I don't know how many chapters it will contain. If you like the first chapter leave a review *shrugs* and tell me what you think.

**Warnings: **Angst.

**Word Count: **1.035

**Chapter One: A Forewarning**

**February 13th 2010**

Your birthday arrives a little too early this year and you can't help the feeling that embraces your entire being. You feel like your entire soul has paralyzed and you don't know why. The sad fact is that you _know _why you feel this way, but you don't want to admit it to yourself. Admitting that fact out loud would be a big mistake – a mistake that will probably cost your sanity, if just for a brief moment.

You feel you can't breathe and you struggle to inhale as much oxygen as your lungs can take. After a few minutes, your breathing has slowed down, but the abnormal pain piercing through your chest doesn't let you fall back asleep. You know that if you would move a few inches to your left you'd be able to feel the warmth of your boyfriend's body, but you just don't want to move those inches. You're afraid that you'll wake him up and you don't want to do that just yet. You haven't seen him so peaceful in a long time, so you decide to let him sleep a little bit more.

You stare at the ceiling for what seems a half an hour, but you know it's been more than that. Suddenly there's a warm hand placed on your hip. You gasp quietly and wait for your boyfriend to move closer to you. You need to feel his warmth because you need to feel safe. His strong arms always make you feel safe because of their strength. He does, in fact, come closer to you. His body molds gently against yours and you can feel the metal pressing into your shoulder. It doesn't bother you because you know that it will always be there. You sigh comforted and snuggle deeper into his chest. His breath ghosts against the nape of your neck and it makes you shiver. It always made you shiver, especially those times when you two have been more than just two human beings. It's the same thrill that runs down your spine as the one you feel in the moments you allow him to love you deep beneath the covers. In those moments you forget how to breathe. You allow yourself to be absorbed in the way his eyes look at you, and the way his facial expression seems to change as he takes you closer to the edge.

There is a small kiss placed on the nape of your neck and an arm wrapped around your waist. You smile a little into your pillow before you fall back asleep until Jarvis wakes you both up. You move to stand up, and Tony's arm falls from around your waist before you hear him mumble 'five more minutes' under his breath. You're willing to give him those extra five minutes, so you stand up, grab your robe from the edge of the bed before slipping it on your body, and head towards the kitchen to make some coffee for you and him.

Before you fill the second cup you hear Tony's voice calling you. You turn around and notice that he is wearing his black neoprene under suit. Your heart stops beating for an awkward moment until he walks to you and presses a brief kiss to your cheek while explaining the details of the mission. You don't even pay attention because the pain that pierces through your chest doesn't let you breathe. You feel like you can't let him go, but before you can say something he's out of the kitchen. You whisper 'be careful' but you're pretty sure he didn't hear you.

You spend the next five hours sipping coffee and watching news channels before you decide to go home. You haven't been there in a few days and you need a change of clothes. You know that you should probably take up on his offer as to live with him, but you still wait for those three words he hasn't said yet. He probably won't say them for another while, but you know you'll feel more assured if you'd hear them anyway.

**February 14th 2010**

It's a year since the whole episode Afghanistan begun. You called Jarvis this morning to ask him if by any chance Tony came home last night. He replied that he didn't.

You don't worry just yet. It's too early, and besides… he had been missing for more than two days before. Your friend Jessica calls and you decide to spend Valentine's Day at a classy restaurant. While you eat, you wonder if Tony is alright.

**February 15th 2010**

You're going crazy. Tony hasn't called and Jarvis told you that he had lost contact with him last night. You don't know what to do. Panic won't do you any good, so you decide to cook something. You haven't managed to cook anything by eleven o'clock and you feel like giving up because your eyelids drop every ten seconds. You glance at the clock on the wall before yawning into your fist. It is way past your bedtime and you feel your legs starting to carry you towards the bedroom, but you stop. Your stomach growls and you snort in annoyance. The fridge winks at you and you can't resist. The pizza is cold and you feel nauseous after you finish the second slice.

The bed is also cold when you finally climb in it. This time you decide to sleep on Tony's side, just to be able to smell his pillow. It's a combination between his minty shampoo, his aftershave and his Hugo Boss cologne. You don't even realize that you're crying until the first teardrop falls onto his pillow.


	2. The End of the Road

**Title: **Teardrops

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **There are frozen teardrops on the window, but what he feels is a deep pain piercing through his soul.

**Word Count: **1.200

**Chapter Two: The End of the Road**

**February 15th 2010 – 8 a.m.**

You wake up to a disturbing dream that left you breathless. You stand up in your bed and gather the sheets to your chest. It's then when you notice a small crimson spot on the white sheet. You gasp and turn around only to see Tony asleep, still in his under suit. There are a few spots of blood staining the sheet beneath him and you bite your lower lip in shock. Your mouth goes dry as you touch his hand.

He opens his eyes quickly and you bite your lip even harder. His strangled moan makes your eyes widen and you can't breathe when you see a small trace of blood appearing at the corner of his mouth. You stand up and shudder because suddenly you feel cold.

"I'll take you to the hospital." You whisper as you gently wipe the blood from his lips with a tissue.

He tries to pout but you know better than that, so you hand him a glass of water, help him drink a few sips before you run to the dressing. You pull out a t-shirt and jeans for him and a tank top and jeans for you before you rush to help him get dressed.

You can't take your eyes off his injuries, only because they turned a dark shade of purple. As you drive to the hospital you wonder if this is it.

**February 15th 2010 – 11 a.m.**

"Miss Potts?" A doctor makes his way to her through the narrow hallway.

"Yes?" You stand up, wanting to know if your boyfriend is alright. "Is he fine?"

"Come on, Miss Potts. We need to talk in private."

You follow him – hear in your throat. His office seems a little too dark and you don't feel safe. He sets a few papers on his desk and looks at you briefly. You can't stand the silence anymore, so you decide to ask him.

"Is he alright, Mr. Otto?"

"He will be, eventually." He replies too quickly, and you can tell that something's really wrong.

You look down at your feet and then back up at him.

"He has a punctured lung." He starts. "That will probably heal in a couple of months. That means he won't be able to wear that suit of his for a while."

You nod, relieved, but there's something else he hasn't said to you.

He takes a deep breath before approaching the subject.

"He took a pretty good punch in his lower back." He explains, and you listen carefully. "We ran some tests, and the results came out badly."

You look at him through worried eyes, and he seems sympathetic.

"The punch affected an area of his spine that is responsible with the reproducing system."

"That said he's going to have some… troubles concerning his sex life from now on."

You look at him as if you don't understand a word he is saying.

"What do you mean?" You ask him slowly.

"He won't be able to leave a woman pregnant and…"

"He's going to have some troubles with the erection. I'm sorry for being so straightforward, but apparently he won't be able to have an erection from now on. And if he happens to have one once or twice, I assure you it won't last long. Sexual acts are not recommended because he can get hurt pretty badly."

"Do you mean… is he going to be impotent?"

"Sadly, yes."

"I understand." You say, but you don't. You need more time to process this information. The strange feeling that embraces you makes you weak, and you feel you need to leave that room as quickly as you can.

"If you want to ask me other questions, ask me now, please."

You bite your lip and shake your head, but you thank him.

"I want to see him." You say as he leads you to the reception.

"Room 127."

"Thank you very much."

The doctor nods at you and you go looking for that room, sighing all the while.

When you open the door, you notice that he's awake. You swallow the large lump in your throat and you go to his bed. He doesn't take his eyes off the wall as you take his hand in yours.

"It's alright." You assure him, even if you think it's most certainly not.

"You don't really want to say that." He whispers and finally looks at you.

"It will be okay, Tony. You're a tough person. I'm sure that you will be able to move on past this."

"You're funny." He says wryly.

You smile sadly and smooth his hair back. He's sweaty and you shiver a little. Your whole world has changed, but you realize that his world has changed _too. _

**February 27th 2010**

"I missed your birthday." The voice that comes behind you startles you a little.

Tony smiles sheepishly at you and you smile back at him, even though your heart hurts.

"I wanted to give you this, but I forgot about it after the…" Tony couldn't bring himself to say it, so you stand up and kiss his cheek softly.

He sighs at you and you accept the wrapped gift he offers. You unwrap it slowly and it reveals a framed photo of Tony and you embraced and smiling at each other.

"This is very thoughtful of you." You smile at him feeling momentarily silly. "I can put it on my desk, so I can see you every time I glance at it."

"Yeah…" He exhales. "You can do that."

He looks at your lips for a few seconds, and you notice him. For a moment you consider laughing at him, but after a couple of seconds his gaze falls down to his feet. He closes his eyes, as if in defeat and walks away quietly. You can hear his quiet sigh as he walks away from you.

You look after him until he's out of your office, before you fall down into your leather chair. Your chest hurts and you realize that you've never felt this helpless before. It's a feeling that threatens to break you, and you wish it to disappear so badly. How are you going to cope with this thing – how are you going to cope with the fact that you two won't be able to make love again… how?

How…?

**Let me know what you think, please!**


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